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I can implant the necessary skills he needs for that.”“Thanks Fred; that is a much better plan. I have all these ideas and partial plans in my head and when I talk to you, I realize that there is more to it and as soon as I do I can think of several ways to make it happen and you go right to the heart of the matter. I wonder if I am all that smart after all.”“Bob, do not think that. I only see what is in your mind and because I can process information faster than you can, I bring the best. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon returning home he tells his wife about them. “Olympic condoms?” she replies: “What makes them so special?” The man says: “Well, there are three colours - gold, silver and bronze.” “What colour are you going to wear tonight? “She asks wearily. “Gold of course, “says the man proudly. The wife gives him a withering look and says: “What about silver? It’d be nice if you tried coming second for a change.”A sausage factory owner was showing his arrogant son. OH! Darin, Honey. I thought it was Pete!" Why would you think that?" I asked innocently, enjoying her discomfort."Why ... I ... that is ... uh ... thanks for the beans!" she gushed grabbing the can from my hand and turning to hide the several shades of red she was now showing."Any time!" I said starting to leave and almost breaking into laughter as Mom, still highly flustered, almost dropped the beans as she tried to open the can.Then there was the day Mom asked me to carry some clean clothes. He felt a need to be alone, to observe his surroundings, to meditate on life and its meaning while absorbing a little Vitamin D and fantasizing about his perversions.Lincoln Park provided the perfect backdrop for his midday musings. He could sit and eat his brown bag lunch and watch all the people go by. Technically, it wasn't really a brown bag, it was a white bag filled with amazing food from a little gourmet shop that made the best sandwiches and salads in town. Moreover, he wasn't really.
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