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Every step she took like this, in the name of pretending, would make it that much harder when it ended. Connie knew that. So far, she had rationalized her decisions on the basis of how much easier it would make being home at Thanksgiving. This was different. Simon broke into her thoughts. ‘You know, this just popped into my head, but—what will the sleeping arrangements be when we visit your parents?’ He was curious to know if they’d have separate rooms or not. That might affect his plans. ‘Oh,. ..if you were a 49-year-old suburbanhousewife. But you're not. You're a teenager about to start highschool.' Well, I argued and pouted, but eventually they got me intoskinny jeans and distressed jeans?I couldn't believe they were supposedto be torn up like that?peasant tops and tank tops, and yes, dresses andheels. The first time I went out in a skimpy little jersey dress, I feltso conspicuous, so naked. Thank God for mom. She kept reminding me againand again that nobody was starting at me, no. I was not happy for myself. I put on a sort of 'happy indifference' — I even helped Jim plan his Christmas present outing for Su ... Oh, God...I loved him.But I loved him too much to have him just because ... I don't know, because he pitied me? Because he felt he owed me something? I wanted to be sure he loved me.When Su died, I mourned my friend. But it was much worse watching Jim come apart. I watched him functioning like an automaton, going through the motions of living. I sat with him,. I asked her if she had a boyfriend around and she told me no not at all. In that case why don’t we become girlfriend/boyfriend? We can’t do that because we are both married was her response.My answer was that if her husband had girlfriends and she had to masturbate to get any sexual relief then why not have an affair with me if she had just enjoyed what we had done. But you have your wife to think about she replied. My wife would not be bothered at all and in fact would encourage it I told her..
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