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I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try too hard I mean, lord knows I try. But all I have are my memories. No one stays with me long, in fact, I've never been able to keep a friend for more then four years. I know that seems like a short time considering I'm not very old but I already feel the weight of this self loathing. I don't want it any more. Sorry Diary I have to cut it. Thodi der idhar udhar ki baate karne ke baad usne kaha ki jaldi se batao ki kaon sa wala mango khana hai to maine kaha ki wo jo tumare pass hai pahle to wo samajh nahi payi but samjhi to thoda sa sharma gayi aur boli ki bahut badmash ho gaye ho to maine kaha ki tumi ne to mujhe badmash banaya hai to wo boli ki maine kya kiya hai maine to kuch bi nahi kiya hai is par maiUske pass gaya aur kaha ki agar kuch nahi kiya hai to aaj kar lo na mai to tumare pass hu aur maine uske gaalon pe ek kiss kar. I feel a kiss on head is a sign of care and I really cared for both of them.Me: Tension mat le yaar.. kuch acha hi hoga. Medical report bhi to dono ki normal aai h.She: I wish. Par kab? Aur kitna wait karna padega?While saying so, tears dropped from her eye. Usne apna muh mere chest pe dba diya, hiding her tear. While she kept her hand on my chest. I held her hand tightly and tried to console her. Me soch rha tha uska maan kese halka kru. Life is so unfair. I thought of changing topic.Me: Yaar,. I am a sexy person, through and through. And it was that sexy person who helped me to see me for who and what I really am - I understand the way I am made.But it won't make it any easier to explain it:When I was a little girl, I was my mother's dolly. Sometimes she wanted me, other times she couldn't be bothered with me and always, always, she told me what to wear. She liked to show me off, I was an accessory. I had a wardrobe full of long dresses and frilly clothes. Nothing wrong with that, I.
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